***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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