He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
