My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
