found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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