Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
