I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
