I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
