Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
