my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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