I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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