We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
