dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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