Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
