from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
