dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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