I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
