I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
