you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Everyone says I win the strip club
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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