I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
