I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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