Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My ATM looks so different sober.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
