Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
