I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
