Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
