I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
