I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
