I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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