do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
