Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
