he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
