I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
