batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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