This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You were trust falling into bushes
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
