I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
