Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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