The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he's single and there are thong briefs.
the raccoons are back...
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