hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
