This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
