I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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