i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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