if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
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You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
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hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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