Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize