Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
