so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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