I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
