I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
