You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
