You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
