Duck Duck Cougar?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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