I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
