hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
