Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
