on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
