take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
