My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
