Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
