You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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