Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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