The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
