I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
