I hate all girls vehemently.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
