We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
