I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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