i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Found the puke drawer
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
