Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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