I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
