Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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