ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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