There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
