So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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