i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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