I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
