No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Your cock deserves a montage
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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