they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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