I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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